Man did I feel bad about telling Phoebe to shut up, and I felt even worse when she began to cry. I didn't want to hurt her feeling or anything its just that she was so convinced that she was coming with me and I didn't know how to tell her. But anyways, I'm glad I decided to stay. I don't have to pretend to be a mute and I think it made Phoebe feel a lot better too. I can stay close with Phoebe and watch over her to make sure she stays the way she
is. There is a lot to protect her from, the places that I thought were safe like my old middle school, now have swear words written all over it. It's only a matter of time before Phoebe begins wondering what the words mean. I also felt uneasy when she herself told me to "
shut up", I mean I've never told her that before so how does she know about it? It was so nice seeing her ride the carousel, because I felt as if she loved the way she was and she had no intention of changing. Before I go to school again this fall I've decided to volunteer at the school where Phoebe goes; I can watch over all the kids and clean up some of the words on the walls. It will be a good way to get my mind off of all the things they have me doing in while at the same time keeping Phoebe safe. There's a lot of unanswered questions about Mr. Antolini, Sally, and Jane, but for now, I'm just happy I now know what happens to the ducks.
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