Chapters 15-16

http://publications.newberry.org/indiansofthemidwest/indian-imagery/challenging-stereotypes/tribal-museums/

Don't you wish everything stayed the same all the time? It seems like if everything stayed the same throughout my life, things would be a lot better. For-example, I've had to change schools several times which worries my parents each time, and also my relationship with Jane has changed to the point where she might not even care for me anymore. Also, if nothing ever changed in my life Allie would still be around and you would be able to meet him. Nothing ever good comes from change and maybe that's why I loved it when Miss Aigletinger used to bring us to the museum. Till this day, the museum is the only place where I know for a fact how everything will be like. I can't say that about Stradlater or anybody else at Pencey because there all phonies. You could be friends with somebody for years and then all of a sudden find out one day they were a phony all along. I remember back in Elkton Hills I became close friends with this kid named George Lucine, he was a really poor guy but It didn't bother me much. We used to hang out and play cards a lot until one day his family became rich when his dad got hired for some big firm somewhere in New York. As soon as he heard the news he changed, he never wanted to hang out anymore and instead he just went out to the movies and spent all of his money. I hate it when people change because of money, it shows how phony they really are, I think that's why I spend my money so quickly so it has no effect on me. I think Phoebe might be the last person I know who isn't a phony and I don't think she will ever change, she is to smart to change into something she's not.

Chapters 11-14

http://www.flickr.com/photos/hernanhernandez/4395330196/

Ever since my conversation with Horwitz, I have still been thinking of the ducks in the lagoon. It seems like no one really knows much about them or has any interested in them, so I decided to look it up myself. I found this website http://www.centralparknyc.org/about/news/central-park-news/where-do-the-ducks-go.html which finally gave me an answer. I found it interesting that some ducks leave while others stay; I think the ducks that don't feel comfortable with where there are at, leave. It's not that odd, I mean goddam that's exactly what I did with Pencey and everybody. I just wish that I can go all the way down south because everything that happened with Sunny and Maurice is making me want to leave New York now too. I wonder why not all the ducks go south, I mean why wouldn't they want to go to a warmer and more comfortable place? Whatever their motivation for facing the challenges that winter brings is, I want to know it, so that maybe I can use it to go back to Pencey and face everyone again. Maybe one day I'll be more like the ducks that stay during the winter, and be able to confront my problems instead of running away from them.

Chapter 7-10

Even after leaving Pencey the sadness and loneliness that I tried to escape from still lingers over me. Lately I have this feeling that I have no one to turn to anymore, whether that be for support or just someone to talk to. I can't bare to talk to Stradlater and don't even get me started with old Ackley. I enjoyed talking with Morrow's mom on the bus but it didn't do any good considering I told her I was Rudolf Schmidt...Everyone else I could think of calling was either busy or sleeping; I felt like the whole world was sleeping but me. When I arrived at the Edmont, I was fed up with the way I was feeling so I thought I would try my luck in the Lavender room. The lavender room only added to the feeling I have towards people lately. Sure Bernice was a good dancer, but goddam, as soon as I brought up a conversation, it ended. All three girls couldn't hold a conversation and by the time they left, I felt exactly the same before talking to them. I really need someone to talk to, I really do. I mean goddam, are all people like this? This song is exactly how I feel, I need someone to listen to me.

Good Charlotte - SOS http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pGacU-3buY

Chapters 4-6

Today I got to thinking about many past people that were once so close to me. I mean goddam, I remembered about Jane and my brother Allie. But I really got to thinking about Allie when I was writing Stradlater's composition. I remembered how goddam nice he was to everyone despite his bright red hair. I wonder if I'd be able to maintain my anger better if he was still around....One time my dad was yelling at me for not trying harder in school, and so I became angry and yelled at everybody. In the midst of my anger, Allie walked into my room and started talking to me as if nothing ever happened, his goddam niceness was so contagious that I began to calm down. He didn't pick sides in any argument, but he somehow resolved them every time. Well since Allie isn't around anymore, I figured I needed to learn some ways to calm my anger myself. I was going to go see a doctor, but this website saved me the time. http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx